All posts filed under: thoughts

I NO LONGER FEAR MYSELF (poem)

there was a time when I was younger i would look into the mirror trying to remember, forgetting myself night day dizzily masquerading within around me until I crept deep inside hiding swiftly worried and fretful about my own thoughts acknowledging my differences fearing neglect but worst that outcast loss– splitting myself I trudged ungracefully, smiling always smiling inwardly imploding this nebulous dark star retreating not willing to face myself undesiring of feeling numbly shrouded in black no one comes in and nothing escapes this severe lack but belief of control and yet the sun shone brightly upon me still the moon ripped me up and in this light glowing transparent I fought to hold onto all I should have let go long ago until I surrendered bowing down to the Divine releasing my supposed flaws allowing my past to be a lesson and i learned what we all know before birth to love love thyself and love all others true there is no greater lesson love is all there is love is all that …

Those words

As a child open-eyed wide The world, so immediate intimate Shapes manifesting to sound Colors vibrant illuminate All is new and yet of old Voices share stories told Listen, listen, listening To the words that hold At a time, at a point A shift occurs and molecules Rearrange the voices heard Are speaking strange Shrieking through the fold Negative discords And these lies, these projections Are seen and reflected Taught through action Absorbed by sensitive souls Who hold onto those words For all they know Warped become their views Of life, love, themselves These happy hearts these Children of love for love Smile onward hurting inside Cherish love but fester inside Fearing themselves mis- Understanding their strengths Seeing beauty in others but in The mirror only shame Repeating the lies they were told Repeating the lies they were told Holding onto those words Anchoring them down, too far, Down and low hurting and Feeling so cold, numb Not recognizing they deserve All the love – they give so much And just as everything seems to …

From 9/11/14

When I was in fourth grade we had to choose a hero to write and draw about. I chose my Uncle Phil and Uncle Tommy, two New York City firefighters who were “humble, courageous, and taught kids fire safety”. I also drew a hilarious picture of them that made them look like Bert and Ernie. Lol!  I’ll never forget how much they both appreciated that tribute to them. I felt so much love from and for both of my uncles — and still do. Uncle Phil was truly an amazing man and inspiration for me, in fact he still inspires me from the other side During his life he chose to live life to the fullest. Family was number one on the priority list, and he was an exceptional dad without question. Some of my favorite memories with him are learning how to play soccer with him. Whenever I stepped on the field after September 11th I always felt his presence. Soccer was one of the places I could always just lose myself, just be, …

What the F@#! happened?!

I’m exactly where I never wanted to be: Franklin, Massachusetts. Ever since we moved here when I was 12 I have not liked the place we lived. Our home always felt like a house, my peers always seemed too interested in things I could care less for, and I always felt like there was nothing to do in this area. I used to become ill regularly (there were a few years I hung out with doctors at least once a month) and I definitely suffered from bouts of depression throughout my time living here prior to moving away for college. Granted, we moved here during trying times. My Uncle Phil had died on September 11th the year before, we moved from Michigan where we had begun making our roots after moving there only three years before, and my mom’s best friend was dying. When I look back at that time of my life from where I am at today I cannot believe I even made it through those phases of my life, especially because I …

A little secret…

I’m gonna fill you in on a not so secret secret. It sucks to be a woman in the workplace. Actually, sometimes it sucks to be a woman in general. When I was younger I used to sometimes wish I were a boy, not in a transgender way but in a “life would be so much easier if I had a penis” kind of way. Recently, this dude Bryce from the Daily Banter wrote a great piece about his similarly drawn conclusions: “Dear Men: This Is Why Women Have Every Right To Be Disgusted With Us” One of the most blatant statements read as follows: “I don’t know how they handle it. I’ve come to actively realize what I passively have semi-understood for years: Women have to deal with something — at best it’s a polite glance, at worst it’s a possible rape threat — at almost all times when it comes to dealing with men. And I don’t think most men even realize this.” Truth is, we don’t really handle it because we often …