Insomnia is the main reason why I haven’t been blogging. I’m sure there are a couple of other posts where I apologize to the internet for being MIA and make excuses – but this is REALLY legitimate.
I’m serious. Have you ever not gotten enough sleep or pulled an all-nighter? How does your body feel after one day of that? Typically it’s not great.
Now try averaging an hour of sleep for a week straight, driving to work, and accomplishing regular everyday tasks (this is super dangerous, when you think about it). Well, that is what my life has been like at times the past several months.
When your brain does not get enough sleep, the body shuts down too. Life becomes this downward spiral and your mind tunnel visions everything – your perception of reality and life is more skewed than normal.
Check out this Wedmd synopsis of insomnia if you so desire. My symptoms have varied from withdrawal, lack of appetite, depression, anxiety, headaches, dizziness, and generally feeling horrible!
I have been humbled by this experience, as someone who is admittedly a perfectionist (I’m growing and changing – I swear!) it is so tough for me to say I am incapable of doing something, especially because I am a fiercely independent individual.
Some days I can barely function completing small everyday tasks, let alone get any sort of work done consistently. It’s been a frustrating challenge.
And yet, I now know the pain and feelings that some people suffer from if they have chronic depression, anxiety, and other symptoms that make up their everyday life. I can much more easily understand and sympathize with people going through such trials and tribulations, and I consider myself fortunate enough to not have these symptoms constantly (although I would say I’ve had them chronically).
For me, I probably average about half a month with insomnia and then the other half I can sleep but the sleep is not restful. It’s extra bizarre because the insomnia comes and goes in a pattern it seems.
I have gotten a lot of bloodwork done and I am seeing specialists all over the place and thus far everything has been inconclusive. Boohoohoo.
I have not had the desire or wherewithal to write until now, my head feels quite clear though and I feel like I can articulate the truth of this matter more eloquently than I could have earlier. If I’d tried writing this blog yesterday in the midst of my cloudy fog of a brain this post would have been riddled with swears and depressing sentiments.
Being sad and angry is not who I am, but insomnia wreaks havoc.
Webmd acknowledges that symptoms of insomnia can include:
• Sleepiness during the day
• General tiredness
• Problems with concentration or memory
Quadruple check off that list, and then some!
Fortunately, I have the support of my incredible family, closest friends, and even several co-workers. I AM BLESSED.
Plus, I was fortunate enough to be a part of an incredible yoga teacher training group and they are the most supportive, loving women I could have ever hoped for. The words of my yoga teacher, Cathy Mann, ring true:
Certain poses are really helpful when you are suffering from insomnia, and she has been so patient and understanding with me. It means so much to have so many people caring for and looking out for me, and in turn I have more readily cared for and looked after myself.
I am going to get through this and have hope that the root problem will be addressed and sorted out. Until then, if you would bear with me and send happy thoughts and prayers my way I would really appreciate it.
Catch ya on the flipside (of meh pillow?!). JOKES.