This summer I started yoga teacher training and
it kicked my ass. Actually, I started kicking my own ass.
So many people perceive yoga as a set of distinct poses and routines – a workout – but it’s much more than that. It’s a lifestyle.
As a group we have been practicing mindfulness, watching the mind, from the start and I was feeling great. It was tough sometimes, but manageable. OR SO I THOUGHT.
I started doing the opposite of what I knew I should be doing, following my mind through its self-inflicted negative thought loops like a sober “Alice” traipsing through her own self-created rabbit-hole of gloom and misery.
And I found myself kind of trapped in my mind some days. I’d goad myself and repeat lies like how I’m not good enough and all this BS.
I was actually thinking about things and then overthinking them to the max. I totally didn’t feel like myself at all! IT WAS LAME.
It sounds silly and somewhat pathetic but some days I felt like I couldn’t escape my brain. It was extra infuriating because as a yogi I felt like the ultimate loser.
It was bizarre, though, because a lot of this summer was absolutely incredible. I’ll admit I did selfishly take a break from the blogging in order to better hone in on yoga and ultimately self-discovery. DEAL WITH IT.
This yogic lifestyle challenge was so strange for me because I thought I knew myself pretty well. Yet, I learned something new every day and I’m still learning (training doesn’t “stop” until December). It might sound odd but every painful experience, as tough as it has been, is incredibly eye-opening. I think I’m growing! 😛
I was harboring a lot of pent-up emotions I hadn’t really released or even understood, namely anger and sadness, and I’m getting better at letting that go.
And that’s not even the half of it, but that’s the most concise way I can sum up some of my deepest personal experiences halfway through this program.
That and some really thoughtful words from my yoga teacher:
SO WHAT’S NEXT!?
I’m going to start writing some tips and teaching a little bit of yoga here on my blog – sticking with my mantra of “writing and doing things” by actually doing them…and writing about them.
Fingers & toes crossed 😛